You Know that You Are an Atheist if . . .You are so self-centered and selfish that you cry and mourn when someone dies. If it was up to you, you'd force them to leave Heaven and come back to be with you. You want revenge whenever a loved one gets killed or injured. You probably try to hide your lust for savagery by calling it justice. You stick your nose into someone else's business and say it is for the good of society, or in the name of morality, or for some other silly reason. You don't forgive a loved one for an infidelity. You smoke or drink or eat junk food on a regular basis. You promote stealing from the rich to give to the poor. It is Thou shall not steal, NOT Thou can steal if they give some of it to the poor. You think that your religion is the right one and that all of the other people are wrong, after all, you are obviously much smarter than them, aren't you? You understand why religions were developed, even in caveman days. You place special value on crosses, flags, buildings, rituals, etc. You think the word "believe" means the same as "knowing," especially when it concerns what's right or the truth. You actually think that symbolically eating the body and drinking the blood of someone is a good thing. You can imagine people using the words "died for" instead of "died because of" to avoid accepting any responsibility for their actions or their lack of actions. You understand that "having an opinion" means that one is admitting that they don't know enough about a subject to intelligently talk about it. You give your "charitable" effort to an organization rather than directly to the needy. After all, it is "beneath you" to actually have to get near any of those low-class, needy people, isn't it? And the time it would take . . . You realize that religious people don't live any longer, or have fewer diseases, and aren't immune to any of life's catastrophes. You cringe at the idea of going to Heaven, or anywhere, with some of those self-righteous, do-gooders that claim to be better than you. You realize that a person's IQ has a direct correlation to a person's religious status. You "read between the lines" and think that you know what you've read. You think that God was mistaken to have made people ready, willing, and able to mate long before you think they should. You haven't read your bible from cover to cover without "bouncing around" looking for things that you want it to say. You don't believe in stoning people to death. You wonder why the "cross" —a device used for torture and murder—could be used as a symbol for something good. You realize that several thousand years ago, some of the people may have made up a few stories and told some outright lies. You wonder who was the mother of Eve's grandchildren. You wonder who would want to be resurrected. Isn't Heaven better than being here? You realize that leaving Heaven and being resurrected back into this world doesn't sound like a such a good deal, especially if you have to disappear into obscurity and never be seen again. Duh . . . You begin wondering how huge a boat would have to be to hold two of each species of animals on this planet. You would also wonder how a handful of people could feed them, and what? keep them from fighting, and how? remove the tons of waste daily and . . . You begin to realize that the stories in the bible are designed for people with less than average intelligence. You begin realizing that the money given to the church for buildings, property, and preachers could be used for much better purposes. You wonder what makes a preacher think they are so much better than the rest of us? You justify stealing things from work. You use foul language when referring to me. You have a normal sex life. When your knowledge/ignorance ratio improves to an almost human level. You have an excellent answer for most of the world's problems, yet you do nothing but talk about it. You would never consider stoning someone to death for blasphemy. You are afraid to pick up a hitchhiker because you don't believe that God will protect you. You believe in "an eye for an eye" when tragedy happens to you, and "forgiveness" when it happens to others. You don't believe in capital punishment, even for murderers, unless the victim was a loved one. You believe that you, not God, have the responsibility of punishing people for committing a "moral" crime. You would sue someone for something that you have done to yourself. You would riot and kill over a childish cartoon |